


The destination

by becca_the_quiet_one



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-30 22:15:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11472756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/becca_the_quiet_one/pseuds/becca_the_quiet_one
Summary: Shiganshina is tiny, and it has no room for them.In which Eren tries to move on and Armin is stuck in the past.





	The destination

**Author's Note:**

> Most of this was written at 1 am on pure caffeine.

Eren and Armin leave home a few days earlier than expected.

At 5 am, on May 24th,the night after graduation, the tiny car is packed with suitcases, but still feels light.  
________________________________________________________________________________

Because Shiganshina, Nebraska, is tiny, and Armin wonders if that means there are no room for differences between people.

He remembers a day, where the sky was clear, and the big top circus was in town.

The air smelled sweet, he recalls. Like cotton candy and the tiny smiles that ate it.

He was so small, he remembers climbing atop the railings just to catch a glimpse of what was promised to be a world of myth and wonder.

And he saw everything he wanted. Showgirls in sparkling colors riding on top of grand animals, doing flips and tricks.

And he saw everything he didn’t want.

Oddities, he thinks they were called. 

Young Armin watched the people, shuffled to the stage with bright smiles and dead eyes.

An old woman with a beard down to her knees.

A girl as tall as a tree.

And a man wearing a lovely white dress, stained with whatever the crowd decided to throw at him.

He loses his grip on the railing as the crowd cheers and laughs.

He falls to the floor with a sickening feeling in his stomach, as if he’s consumed too much sweetness. The laughing of the crowd around him singes a hole in his mind.

Later that night, he burns the pink, frilly dress he’d loved just a few days ago.  
________________________________________________________________________________

Eren is utterly surprised when they get to the city, several states away.

He’s lived his whole life knowing his closest neighbors were more than half a mile away, so seeing houses stacked so closely together astounds him. 

He wonders if the people who live there are close, they must be to live lives so connected with each other, right? He wonders if it’s like that where they’re headed.

Eren doesn’t know how to be connected with anyone really. There’s Armin, obviously. He loves his sister Mikasa, but that is about it. There’s friends that flit in and out of his life. He can’t remember most of their names.

He tries not to think about his parents anymore.

He kisses Armin just a little bit harder when they stop for gas.  
________________________________________________________________________________

School in Shiganshina did not mean learning, as Armin realized one day.

No, he was taught little more than how to run from bullies, how to pretend to be invisible, and all the ways one could stop themselves from crying. His personal favorite is staring at a light. In the future, he will know that this is why he needs glasses

In classes he is bright, but being told the same facts every year is easy to retain. There’s a thirst in him to know more and more and more and why.

Why is the sky blue? Why do trees make oxygen? Why does he need food and water to live?

Why do the older boys beat him? Why doesn’t anyone do something about that? Why do the girls always turn him away from the playground? Why does he have a funny feeling in his chest when he looks at Eren?

Teachers and adults alike choose not to answer these questions, and Armin was left to fend for himself.

So he read. Mountains of books become nothing to him but hours spent searching and wondering and asking why why why.

He learns why the sky is blue and why trees make oxygen. He knows why he needs food and water to live.

He accepts that he may never know the answer to some questions.  
________________________________________________________________________________

Eren meets new people on their trip.

They met at the only diner in a twenty mile radius, packed to the brim with hungry people.

Eren and Armin already had a booth, and were happily enjoying their meal, when a waitress came up to them and asked if they could please seat more people at their table, because they were very short on seating.

Eren wanted to decline, but Armin insisted, claiming that it was the right thing to do.

The first thing the girl did upon sitting down was order two full plates of ribs. The second was to ask her boyfriend if he wanted anything.

She then introduced herself as Sasha.

The two groups ate in awkward silence for a few minutes, before Sashas boyfriend, who introduced himself as Connie, asked them where they were from.

Armin told them that they were from a tiny, tiny town in the middle of nowhere, and it sucked so much they should be glad that they’d never heard of it.

Sasha and Connie both burst out laughing at this, and the tensions broke like fragile china.

By the end of the night, everyones faces hurt from laughing and smiling, and the groups exchange contact info and promise to stay in touch.

As they returned to their car, Eren tried to recall the last time he’d seen Armin smile and laugh that much. He tried to do the same for himself, and found that he came up with nothing.  
________________________________________________________________________________

Armin know that bad days can have spots of good in them.

Eren joins the football team in high school, and Armin joins the marching band, so they do not see less of each other. This makes Armin happy.

There are things that do not make him so happy.

The bullies from his childhood may refrain from physical violence because Mikasa is around, but nothing will stop them from hurling words at him.

Because they sharpened the words that taught him and sated his endless curiosity. They hurled them back and cut him. They left him to bleed open and die.

But there are some words that could never be weaponized.

Armins hands clutch the front of Erens jersey before a game one night, when the words have been especially sharp, and the screaming in his head is louder than ever.

It’s homecoming night, and Eren is the star quarterback, so the team needs him.

But Armin needs him too. Because Eren wipes away the tears that fall on his cheeks, hugs him until he stops shaking, and bandages every wound the words leave. Because

“Eren, I love you.”

Eren has always been a boy of few words, but it still surprises him when he leans down and kisses him on the mouth.

Neither of them attend the homecoming dance a few days later, because it would mean going with other people.  
________________________________________________________________________________

Eren is fairly excited by the fact that they get to stay in a hostel overnight.

They get short on funds the day before they’re meant to reach their destination, so a place where they could rent a bed for $20 seems like a good solution.

The beds are arranged in bunks, so there should be about twenty people in their room, but tonight they share it with only one other couple, two people in their late twenties and early thirties, with engagement rings shining on their fingers

The man is mumbling about the uncleanliness of the room when Eren and Armin arrive. The woman apologizes and introduces herself as Hange and her fiance as Levi.

Eren has a moment of pure panic, because these people are about as old as his parents, and he doesn’t know if he can listen to their outrage again. 

He never quite understood when Armin told him that words cut him deeply. He understood how badly the bullies hurt him, but never in the fancy language that Armin used.

Not until the day that they caught him and Armin together.

The blondes lips were soft, and he was so distracted by them he almost didn’t notice his mother screaming.

He tries not to remember most of what happened next. But pieces slip through.

His mother, yelling and throwing things, telling him that she will not be the mother of a faggot. His father, sitting in stony silence, watching her. 

His hopes in thinking that means he’s one his side. The feeling of pure anguish when he told him that he could pay someone to fix it.

His parents do not show up for the graduation ceremony the next day

Eren and Armin leave Shiganshina that night.  
________________________________________________________________________________

Armin knows what it means when he sees Eren freeze up and stand directly in front of him.

He quickly sidesteps him and introduces himself as Armin, and the brunette next to him as his boyfriend.

Erens eyes glaze over in fear.

Both are relieved when the couple tells them hello, and makes no sign of calling them out, instead asking if they’d like to hear about her research because, oh yeah, she’s a scientist.

Levi groans, and both Eren and Armin decline respectfully, telling her they are very tired, and have a very important day tomorrow.

Armin feels Eren pull him a little closer when they sleep.  
________________________________________________________________________________

The next morning, they bid goodbye to Levi and Hange, and set off towards their final destination.

Eren is driving, but Armin is quiet, and neither of them know what to say.

They are half an hour from the end when Eren finally speaks.

“Are you nervous?” Eren glances from the road for just a second to gauge his lovers reaction.

Armins face is calm, but there’s a desperation in his eyes that Eren is not familiar with. “I just...I really want to see it.”

“I know. I do too.” Truthfully, Eren has ulterior motives, but Armin doesn’t need to know that yet.

Once again the car is silent.  
________________________________________________________________________________

Ten minutes until they get there, and the tensions in the car are unbearable.

“Stop the car.” Armins face has a greenish hue, so Eren obliges.

Armin bursts out of the door before they come to a complete stop, and Eren hears him retching before he can get there.

“Hey, it’s okay. Breathe.” Eren lays his hand on Armins back, and rubs soothingly, pulling his hair away from his face.

“Yeah, yeah.” Armin leans back so that he’s on his knees. “I’m okay.”

“Good.” Eren hoists his boyfriend to his feet. 

Armin takes a long, hard look at the car. “Why don’t we walk the rest of the way there? It’s not far, and we could both use the fresh air.”

Eren looks surprised, but accepts. “Just let me grab something.”

The brunette scampers back towards the car, and Armin turns towards the setting sun.

“So close…” He whispers under his breath. He can smell the change in the air, and hear every sound that the climate brings. Part of him wants to make a run for it now. But the bigger part of him stays rooted to the spot, because there’s no one he’d rather have seen it with.  
________________________________________________________________________________

The ocean is so much bigger than he thought, Eren marvels. Just from what he could see, he could fit millions of people in there, and it seems to stretch out forever.

He wonders what it looks like during the day, if it is solid blue instead of the multicolored sunset scene in front of him. He decides he likes this better, because Armin is coated in colors that make his eyes stand out, and his soft hair shines like a halo.

Eren sinks to one knee, and pulls out a ring.  
________________________________________________________________________________

Armin finds his curiosity satisfied, a rare occurence. 

The ocean is indeed bigger than anything he could ever see, and he could stay sill in this spot forever.

Because he can feel himself in the middle of a good memory, and he doesn’t have nearly enough of those. He could make more here, with the love of his life.

And that is why Armin says yes.  
________________________________________________________________________________

It feels surreal, going back.

There is almost nothing left for them in Shiganshina, but they go back anyway. Maybe it’s a last ditch effort to make Erens parents understand, maybe it’s to tell Mikasa what happened and convince her to come with them. 

Maybe it’s to say goodbye.

Almost all of their reasons for going back are likely to fail, but that’s okay, because they know much more now. There’s a whole world out there.

There are trees taller than skyscrapers, and oceans even deeper.

There are people out there too. Ones who accept them or who hate them or just don’t care.

There’s a world of new experiences out there.

And it’s just waiting for them.

**Author's Note:**

> I was originally going to end this with them committing suicide, but I'm pretty glad I didn't do that.
> 
> All constructive criticism and compliments are appreciated.


End file.
